The final season of Gossip Girl premiered last night and it starts off flashing back to 4 months ago where the finale left off. Chuck and Blair are finally together and doing it like rabbits in Chuck’s apartment, Dan has finally cut his hair (although I’m still not sure what is going on with it but it’s much better than it was) and he and Georgina in Italy where he is going to write a true expose on the Upper East Side. Nate still has that unfortunate upper lip condition and is seen walking around his office building trying to make us all think that he can actually run a newspaper. Seriously dude, no one is buying it. Then we see that Serena is passed out on the train looking like she od’d on the coke we saw her sniffing in the season finale. Then we hear Gossip Girl in all her voice over-y goodness tell us that ‘The best is yet to come.’ So, you know, pretty much a typical Gossip Girl season premiere. So far so boring.
The next scene we see Lily and Bart as they’re returning from The Hamptons where they renewed their vows apparently without any family present, but Eric did get a nice shout out from Bart. I guess Lily was able to forget all about Rufus without any issues. Serena’s apple doesn’t fall far from Lily’s tree. Lily returns home and is all pissed that Serena hasn’t been taking care of the mail (because they obviously get packages delivered on a daily basis) and asks Vanya when she was there last and he informs Lily that Serena hasn’t been to the apartment all summer. Oh noes! Shocker – Lily realizes that maybe she should have actually tried to speak to her daughter over the summer, but that would have interrupted her own life that involved hooking back up with uber creepy Bart Bass.
Lily gets to work and calls Nate to see if he’s seen Serena at all. Of course not – he’s been too busy running a newspaper! (no one believes you Nate) Nate is also trying to frame Gossip Girl and is hoping to run video of her in an incriminating position that will secure the future of the newspaper. This is when we are introduced to a new character – Sage – (if you’ve ever watched the American version of Skins that’s where you know this actress from) who we are led to believe is a college student who’s at the paper to interview Nate.
Nate texts Blair who is in Paris working with her mom’s fashion empire, who in turn calls Dan who doesn’t want to talk to Blair so Georgina answers. Georgina immediately gets Dan to leave Italy so that they can find Serena first (hopefully either od’d somewhere or in a mental institution) so Dan can have a great ending for his book. Chuck is in Dubai to try and get some dirt on his father yet they all drop everything to come home and look for S.
We find out that Chuck and Blair are technically still together but they have an agreement to stay away from each other so that Chuck can focus on destroying his dad and Blair can focus on taking over her mother’s business. Lily arrives at Rufus’s apartment to see if he might know where Serena is and finds Ivy there. Ivy still has the most annoying voice on television. Ivy is staying with Rufus since she has no money and he was nice enough to take her in. Lily reads into it and storms out. Ivy convinces Rufus to go to Lily and help her find Serena because all he really has left to do is wear bad sweaters.
We then see Nate give up his Gossip Girl trump card and tell GG that if she doesn’t disclose where Serena is he’ll make the incriminating video public. We then see Ivy on the phone with Lola (who apparently has been written off the show because she’s landed a job on NBC) talking about how easily manipulated Rufus is. He also wears really bad shirts.
The gang of misfits (Chuck, Blair, Nate, Dan and Georgina) arrive in Poughkeepsie where Gossip Girl has told Nate she’s staying and find her at some big home in the middle of nowhere going by the name Sabrina (which just happened to be her character’s name in Dan’s first book). Sabrina/Serena mumbles through the scene where she introduces her ‘friends’ to her new boyfriend Steven (played by Barry Watson) I seriously object to this casting. A lot. Why oh why can they not cast a good looking guy to play Serena’s love interest? This is getting a bit ridiculous. Anyway in true Gossip Girl form the misfits think Serena is getting married and Blair and Georgina expose her to the crowd only to realize they’ve just interrupted a gay wedding, not Serena’s after all. Oh the hilarity. Not really.
Blair apologizes to Serena, Serena doesn’t want to be her friend anymore though and sends the misfits on their way. She tells her vitamin maker boyfriend Steven why she lied and he forgives her completely because he’s just happy to be back on tv since 7th Heaven got cancelled.
Rufus goes to see Lily to apologize and help find Serena and that crafty little Ivy stops in acting all gross and lovey towards Rufus and talking about how she secured his new gallery space and Lily assumes she means that they’re ‘moving in’ together and basically dismisses Rufus who really doesn’t care because he’s about to get busy with Ivy. Double gross. Add in a triple gross with Dan walking in to see Ivy and Rufus and their bare legs entwined in bed. I honestly think that might have been worse than watching Michael and his mother have sex on Boardwalk Empire. Almost.
Although Serena told everyone she was happy where she was we see her and her new ugly boyfriend Stephen making out in her Upper East Side apartment. So I guess that Serena’s back, Nate is still irrelevant except that it looks like he’s going to screw a high school student in the next episode, Dan still has bad hair and might be scarred for life after seeing his dad in bed with a woman younger than him, and Chuck and Blair are still the best thing about the show. If there weren’t only 9 episodes left I probably wouldn’t tune in, but I want to see how they’ll wrap this whole thing up. Also as much as I hate Michelle Trachtenberg for ruining Buffy for me I do love the Georgina Sparks/Blair Waldorf repartee.
Check out the preview for next week’s Gossip Girl below.